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Miller’s Misadventures – Uglacy 3.0

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Hello! Welcome back to Miller’s Misadventures, where we try to pop out as many babies as possible during adulthood in order to find the ugliest specimen possible to continue on the Miller bloodline! Last time we had little miss Danielle get pregnant from mister Chauncey over there, and now Danielle is in labor.
Chauncey: “Oh god, what do I do! I didn’t know woohoo led to this!”
Well Chauncey, it does, whether you like it or not.

Here are the babies, Kyle and Kahlan. I was very sad that I didn’t see a baby basket, but we can always try again…
Danielle: “What? MORE spawn? I certainly did not sign up for this.”
Well, too bad. You’re a Miller heir. You pop out babies. End of story.
Danielle: “Even creators have to sleep at night. Think on that.”
Man, I just had to have an evil sim be the heir of my Uglacy… Don’t you forget I have the power of boolprop… sort of.

And here’s what I posted before, with Danielle and Chauncey holding Kyle and Kahlan. Chauncey looks like he’s lost his grip on reality. For a family-oriented sim, he doesn’t really look too excited.

And when new sims are born…

.. Old sims will die.
And seriously, she was THIS close to finishing that painting. Friggin’ $1500 that she didn’t impart us with. Man, even my sims rebel against me even in death.

I’m trying, here! You don’t even understand the blights and perils of a creator! I’m working with a family that has a low IQ since they are only in school for all of 5 or 6 days, (and that’s if they don’t age up to children on a Friday night!), and so they have “low grades” even if they did all of their homework. And if they don’t have a low IQ, then they seem to be either depressed or evil.

As a side note, though, I thought it fitting that these guys spend their money wastefully and buy expensive things constantly, with their low IQ and all (and thus the reason why I work my sims to death). And you’ve probably already noticed that I’m not keeping score of mastered skills or other legacy points- I’m just going to consider it successful if I finally get to 10 generations with an ugly looking heir. Srsly. I am trying to max out everyone’s desired skills, but I have low hopes.

Back on track with death!
And note again that good ol’ Grim is stuck outside since the house is too small.
Sigh. I really liked Lakesha’s neat trait. Farewell free maid service D:

So after everyone was incredibly depressed from Lakesha’s death, I decided to try one more time to get married to Chauncey. (After 2 rejections. Gah.)
Danielle: “Marry me, seed-bringer. I need the marriage moodlet in order to advance in the Criminal career.”
Chauncey: “Oh, darling, of course I’ll marry the mother of my children!”
Jeez, Chauncey. You finally seal the deal once babies are involved? Free woohoo and the privilege to live in a Legacy house not enough?
Chauncey: “A man has to have standards, you know.”
You are only alive because the position of slave errr… maid opened up, and the fact that you have the Aspiration Reward “No Bills Ever”. I hate you and your “I-have-no-skills-or-job-and-I-reject-your-heirs-marital-inquiries” bullcrap attitude.

And here’s the pajama 2-second moodlet-enhancing and wedding-gift giving ceremony.

Time to make mo’ babies, my minions! Muhahahahah… And YOU think you’re celebrating your honeymoon. Ha!

Chauncey seems pleased to get his fur-reak on.

Meanwhile, Danielle sparkles into adulthood. She now doesn’t have the same birthday as her sister since she was pregnant whilst Delilah sparkled. That’s nice

Here’s the house after doing some remodeling- the Miller’s don’t have enough money to furnish those empty rooms. They will eventually be a spare bathroom and a study.

And here’s more baby photos- I guess Danielle just likes being in her underwear for whatever reason.

Danielle: “Chauncey, I am on an underwear strike- my mother and father are dead… there is nothing left but my children, and all I want to do is steal candy from them, but the creator doesn’t let me… she denies us everything, even potty training!”
Chauncey: “What’s that sweetie? I’m painting a turtle.”
Danielle: *evil glare*

And here is Kyle and Kahlan, all growed up. It’s hard to tell who is uglier just yet- toddlers are just too darn cute.

Oh the joys of having multiple toddlers at once have been bestowed upon the Miller household yet again.
Oh, Danielle, are you doing some emotional eating during your pregnancy?
Danielle: “Am not! I am as fit as a fiddle.”
Riiiight. It’s not like screaming toddlers that you can’t steal candy from and an old skill-less husband isn’t depressing you or anything.
Danielle: “I’m going to watch Kid’s TV now.”

That’s right, go make me multiple children. You can’t escape your destiny, Danielle!

And on another note, here’s a quick peak at the updated house. I eventually had to switch the dining room and the livingroom so they would actually use the dishwasher, and I did replace all of the windows from what you see here.

Obligitory toddler photo. Aww the little munchkins!

AND OH MY DEAR LAWDDD. Chauncey managed to potty train not only Kahlan, but Kyle as well. I guess you aren’t as useless as I thought…
Chauncey: “It’s for the children, so they don’t have to suffer from this so-called potty damnation.”
Siggh. I guess I don’t hate you as much. But you’re still a slave, no-skills man.


Even though I don’t like you very much, you deserve some shower woo-hoo. Bravo, Chauncey, bravo.

Danielle: “Oh god, the babies are coming! The babies are coming!”
Don’t forget the Hostess treats, Chauncey!
And while Danielle has babies…


Kyle and Kahlan are claimed by the Sparkle Gods, and it seems that, yet again, the boy is too damned pretty for this Uglacy.

Awww yeah! Baby basket! You know what this means!

Triplets! And this has been a rollercoaster of birthday after birthday after birthday after birthday, and so this is the only picture I have of the triplets all together at once. Their names are Jasmine, Joan, and Jack.


And, of course, all of the children grow up in the same night… so here’s Kahlan, growing up into a teenager. All she does is paint in order to fund their reckless spending, and sometimes does homework. And, of course, there’s Delilah in her underwear, off to paint a masterpiece that we’ll be sure to sell.

Ah, the necessity of skankiness in an uglacy.


Here’s Kyle being claimed by the Sparkle God.
Kyle: “Oh, it was as my mother and aunt have told me- the Sparkle God is in my midst! I am chosen!”
Oh, dear…

Why oh why are the boys of this legacy so darn pretty? Sigh.

Delilah: “He’s coming for me!”

Delilah: “And his touch hurts my baaaack…”

And here she is, crazy cat lady sweater and all.

The Sparkle God has been busy!
Here’s Jasmine, Jack, and Joan being touched by His sparkly goodness. It looks like Jasmine and Joan have a case of the Glorious Pointy Nose! The Miller household has finally been blessed with some ugly! Jack, being a boy, is of course normal looking.

And this is all for now! (I know that Kahlan and Kyle are all growed up now, but I thought it was a cute picture to end this chapter with)

And I should have another chapter coming up soon- I apologize that this chapter is a little short. I’ll be sure to get all the traits of the potential heirs next time!

Thanks for reading :)

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Miller’s Misadventures Delay

Hello! If you are following my uglacy, then I’m sorry that I haven’t updated for about two weeks now. I am still planning on continuing with the uglacy, but school has gotten in the way and I haven’t been able to play enough to make another chapter, (It also doesn’t help that I played for a few hours and my game crashed. I really have to get in the habit of saving more often). HOWEVER spring break is coming up soon, so expect an update sometime the first week of April!

Here’s a little teaser of the (hopefully) ugly Miller babies:

Thank you for reading :)

Miller’s Misadventures – Uglacy 2.1

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Welcome back! Infancy was quick and somewhat painful, but here’s a little one all growed up. This is Delilah, and if you don’t remember from last time, she grows up to be a Hopeless Romantic, Artistic, Clumsy, a Coach Potato, and Insane.

And here’s Danielle. Danielle will grow up to be Ambitious, Friendly, Evil, Neurotic, and a Genius. She seems messed up enough to be an Uglacy heir.
And, unfortunately, I remember taking a picture of little Dalton but for whatever reason it disappeared. Dalton grows up to be Easily Impressed, Good, a Supernatural Fan, Gatherer, and Mean Spirited.

“Ohmigod! The Sparkle Gods have come for me again! Shiny!”
Lakesha, no, it’s just your birthday-

“Take me, Sparkle Gods! I am not of this world!”
I love Lakesha for her neat trait, but she is so not the brightest bulb in the bunch.

Here’s another obligatory toddler photo. I don’t even know why I bother with trying to potty train any of these kids- it’s friggin’ impossible to do in 3 or 4 sim days. I have yet to do it.
“I have to try to save these poor souls from my potty damnation, don’t you see?”
Pfft. It’s useless, dude.
Note the blondie in the back- that’s Dalton.

“Now, Delilah, since you’re Artistic, I want you to paint pretty pictures like your daddy so you don’t feel so much pain and suffering. Life is hurt, but painting makes it better.”
You mean better in the way so we can get a washer and dryer.
“No! Money is worthless, it just causes more hurt! Art is expression, art is my life, art expresses my hurt and-”
It pays your bills.
“Don’t listen to her- she’s the one who cursed us with potty damnation.”
“Gaaah gaaah!”

Shortly after this, the sparkles begin. Delilah is the first to go.

Not bad! Look at those cheeks!

And the sparkles claim Dalton…

And he looks rather normal looking :/

Now Danielle does the sparkle dance…

And wowza! Coupled with that Evil trait and those cheekbones… It’ll be an Uglacy in personality AND looks!

And above are the children in CAS- Delilah, Danielle, and Dalton, respectively. Danielle is a looker, I’ll tell you what.

And this is pretty much what happened every night in the Miller household- Dalton and Danielle played chess while Delilah lazed around or painted, and Richard painted depressing nuclear winters and other brilliant paintings, which ended up getting sold immediately to fund our legacy mansion in the works. I feel kind of bad that I haven’t saved any of his paintings.
“Oh? You have feelings? That’s surprising.”
Look, I’m sorry that you’re just too damn pretty for this legacy and to slave away over paintings that you never can keep, but mark my words, Richard, I can just as easily put the fear of good ol’ fashioned Sims 2 boolprop in you.
“But that is just legend, that is just a terrible rumor to scare bad little sims-”
Is it, Richard? I would think on that.

Feeling shaken by his sudden grasp on his mortality, he decided to do some legacy-lovin’.
“Oh, Lakesha, I know that your Uglacy love will heal my scars, fill up the bottomless void that is called my heart, and make me whole again.”
“Uhm, okay! Sounds kinky!”
She’s a real prize, Richard.

After Lakesha “filled Richard’s void”, she called the repairman to fix her beloved TV. And proceeded to eat in her underwear.
Way to stay classy, Lakesha. I rest my case.

“The Sparkle God has claimed me!”
Oh no, not you too Dalton.
And yeah yeah, I know that he looks like he has a screwed up nose, but it was all a lie. His face returned to normal after I put him through CAS. Sigh.

“Oh, no, this is it, He has come for me!”
Delilah, seriously, he doesn’t exist…

And wow, do you have the fashion sense.

Danielle looks down. I think she wishes that she was the sparkle god.
“And I would be a vengeful god!”
I’m sure you would, sweetie.

And here are the post CAS pictures of Delilah, Danielle, and Dalton, respectively. I think Danielle is winning the Ugly contest, and Delilah is winning the ho contest, and Dalton is that one pretentious dooche with the sweater and the flip flops.

“Whoo-hoo, yeah Dad! Praise Him!”
This is really getting out of hand, guys.

Here’s the upgraded house- we finally have a washer and a dryer! And this is how most days are- Richard sleeps during the day while Lakesha paints her heart out, and when Lakesha sleeps Richard paints. Hey, Hey, I know that I run a tight ship, but come on, money doesn’t grow on trees! (anymore, anyway…)

Dalton seems to be gettin’ his Uglacy romance AWWHN!
“Hey, uhm, your eyes, and mine, well, like, shooting stars? I like, uh, them. Pretty.”
“Oh, Dalton, you always know what to say!”

She even didn’t mind when Richard decided to fix the dishwasher in the nude. Real classy, Richard.
“Being without clothing is the only freedom I have in this house! Why was I born into servitude??!”
Seriously, Richard walked around in his underwear/in the nude for the rest of his sim life. He ceased to give a single f$#% about life.

And here’s Richard getting claimed by the Sparkle Gods again, in the nude. (my game crashed, gurr)
“That’s what you get from not paying tribute to the Sparkle Gods!”
Right.

And everyone decided they needed to wake up and gather into their parent’s bedroom to watch the Sparkle Gods lay claim to Lakesha’s adulthood. I should really do the whole birthday party thing, but everyone ages on the same day and time is precious. We don’t need no stinkin’ birthdays.

On a side note, here’s the updated version of the house, after we sold a few paintings.

On another side-note, Delilah got her mother’s brains.
“Uhm, hello, how can I get to the sink from here?”
Uh, well, walk a couple of steps, sweetie.

And here are some of the photos from their teenhood, with Danielle gossiping and swapping spit with her boyfriend, the teens diligently working on their skills, and Danielle getting a great view of Dalton’s butt while he makes his moves in front of the TV.

And the sparkles lays claim to youth once again.
And, seriously, Richard is as creepy as Gordon. Watching his daughter be sparkled into adulthood in the nude is a little off.
“It’s called peaceful protest, man!”
Is that what you call it? Well, in my world we call it pedophilia. Weirdo.

Here’s Danielle and Delilah, respectively. I decided to have Delilah’s formal be her casual wear and her casual wear be formal since she’s insane- just made sense that way.
But it looks like they are growing into their ugly, a little bit. Which is sad. I didn’t bother with Dalton because he’s moving away to the house nextdoor- he’s just not Uglacy material.

And off to graduation they go!

After graduation, Danielle had to break the news.
“Okay, like, uhm, dude, you’re a great kisser and everything, but you just aren’t ugly enough. So bye.”
“What?!!?! But I… but I… I took you to the prom!”
“Big whoop. Now get off my property.”
Now time to look for ugly spouses!

Okay, seriously, all of these Townies are genetic gifts from the Sparkle God. None of them were ugly. In fact, the ugliest one was the last guy, and it was just because he was fat!

And so, if you haven’t noticed already, I have decided that Danielle should be the heir. She’s ugly enough, but her personality is the ugliest, and thus she wins.
And so she swoops in on the “ugliest” guy in town.

“I would enjoy seeing your insides fizz like soda… does that turn you on, baby?”

“Or perhaps you would rather want me to lay claim to your body, like Neil Armstrong?”

I’ll take that as a yes.

The beautiful gift of Uglacy Romance aside, that is the last masterpiece Richard ever painted, as his soul was laid claim by the Grim Reaper that day.
And yes, I did sell it. What? We needed a workbench to help fulfill a LTW!

“My old, broken heart! He was right…. life is hurt!!”
Lakesha proceeded to pass out here, get up, and uhm…

Fainted right here, too.

Poor soul loved Richard with all of her heart.

Now back to business…
“Let me show you how a real woman puts the woo in hoo!”

I had them WooHoo a few different times because I didn’t hear a lullaby. I was freaking out to myself, thinking that this guy is sterile or something, but…

Danielle’s regular vomitting quelled my rising panic.

“So, you should be my husband since I bear your child.”
Yeah, and the fact that he has a rich trait!

“No way! You’re family’s too weird. I’ll give that woohoo another shot, though ;)”

“Uhm, well, what about moving in?”
“Do we get to woo hoo more?”
“I guess? But there will be many of my spawn running around here soon and-”
No! Lie! Lie!
“Oh, yeah, so… Yeah! More woohoo!”
“Oh, okay, that sounds good.”
Pffft. Men.

And promptly after, he sparkles into an elder. Just great. When he moved in he gave us about $4,000, and I guess that’s okay, but he’s unemployed and has no skills whatsoever. You are only here for your ugliness, pal! Expect to cook and clean until the Grim Reaper claims your soul.

After he moved in, I had Dalton move out with his Fiance. Go enjoy your normal un-Uglacy life.
“Let’s get out of here as soon as possible…”


And Delilah was touched by the Sparkle God (shortly after being shocked by trying to upgrade a stereo)

And Danielle, full of babies (she was in front of that couch watching kids TV nearly the whole time with kids music playing), is going into labor.
“Oh god! I’m too old for this!”
You’re telling me.

Well, that’s it for this chapter! Stay tuned to see the next generation of Uglies!

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Miller’s Misadventures – Uglacy 1.1 & 2.0

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Amy and Gordon finally moved in together. I got the hang of “spamming” friendly interactions until Amy decided that she wanted to move in to her baby daddy’s legacy shack. If only Amy realized what she was getting herself into.
“Shh! Don’t ruin it for me!”
Come on, Gordon. She needs to know sometime.
“My legacylicious love will be enough for her. You’ll see.”
If that helps you sleep at night, dude.

Here’s the upgraded house post move in. Amy also brought in a cat, too. All she did was hunt all day, poop in the litterbox, and sleep on Gordon’s bed. This is one of the few times she actually slept in her own.

Oh darnit, I missed the sparkles. Well, here’s Gordon, a ripe 20-something days old. He’ll be lucky to reach 35.
“What? Where am I? I’m still living here?”

Here’s Amy, after she got home from the hospital. I tried to have her watch kid’s TV and listen to kid’s music, but I guess it wasn’t enough. Here’s her only child, Richard. I don’t remember what traits he had as a baby, but he does have the traits, by the time he’s an adult, Over-Emotional, Genius, Virtuoso, and Good.
“My f$%#ing back!!!1 Giving birth hurts like f#$%.”
You don’t say?

“All right, I know you just gave birth today, but let’s make some more legacy babies!”
Gordon, I think you’re too old to-
“Be quiet. You’re ruining the woohooin’ mood.”

Ended up that they couldn’t make babies anymore, and so I decided to adopt. So meet Cheyenne- Like Richard, I don’t remember her baby/toddler traits, but she’s Hydrophobic, Easily Impressed, Star Quality, and Exitable. I’m gonna move her out as soon as I find a husband for her, but I wanted more of a challenge than just one toddler.

Here’s Cheyenne, bald after growin’ up. I didn’t have CC at this point since I had to reinstall my games a couple of times (but there will be CC later on!) so she’ll have to stick with bein’ bald for a little bit.

And here’s Richard, being spazzy.

Oh no! Please, Grim Reaper, I know Gordon is old but the children! Don’t forget about the children!

“It is not your founder’s time to die. Amy’s cat has been chosen.” (again, I forgot the cat’s name)
Phew!

“Her soul is mine! Muhahahahahaa!”
“Hey can you keep it down, Reaps? A legacy man needs his rest, you know what I’m sayin?”

Amy was extremely depressed after her cat died. Going into random bouts of hysterical crying and all that. Everyone else was fine, though, so I guess there’s that.

To cheer her up, I finally had Gordon and Amy get married. (Note the CC! Huzzah!)

D’awwww.

“I may be old, but I still have the sweet legacy lovin’ in me!”
No comment.

Oh dear, look at the time, little Cheyenne grew up.

And so did Richard. And unfortunately, he’s a friggin’ stud.
“Life is hurt. Did you know that I wasn’t even potty trained, Creator? What kind of person would do that to a child?”
Uh, well, uhm, Richard, you see … Uh, yeah, that’s awful, who would do something like that?

And here is Amy agin’ up like the rest of the household.

Richard seems kind of confused, though.
“Uh, whoa, I think I see you on the wall, mom. But like, a young version of you.”
Poor Richard.

And poor Cheyenne. She makes most of her meals with her little EZ Bake Oven.

And here’s some of the upgraded house. Amy bought that whatchamacallit that allowed sims to Meditate and get the “Very Well Decorated” moodlet. Thank you, Amy.
“Ohm….”

And time flies! Here’s Richard transitioning into adolescence, his childhood friend cheering him on.

“Yay! You’re older! That’s so cool- I’m friends with a teenager!”
“Stop blowing that. Life is cruel. Life is short. Life is hurt.”
Whoa whoa, stop being so Over-Emotional. Oh, wait… you can’t. Sigh. Richard and his pretty face deserved so much more.

“Yeah! Whoo! Birthday!”
This multiple birthday thing in one night is killer. It gets even worse when, later on in the legacy, I have triplets.
And poor Cheyenne is overweight and the CC can’t handle it.

And in the same friggin’ night Gordon decides to die, waking everyone up and putting everyone in a terrible mood. He lived to be 34 days old.

Gahhh.
Note that Grim can’t fit in the same room, so has to go to the other room to take Gordon’s spirit.

“No! Gordon! My love!”
“I told you life was hurt, you fools. Now do you believe me?”
“No- daddy!”
Frig. Friggin’ frig. Say goodbye to steady income and good grades.

And if life wasn’t harder, the very NEXT NIGHT Amy died, too.
“Oh god, I’m so tired, and my heart is broken.”
“I had no heart to break.”
Can the hysterics, you guys. You have to find a husband, and you have to find a wife.

Here’s Cheyenne, having one of the only birthdays with cake involved. I aged her up prematurely so she could bring a little money in before she moved out.

And here she is, about to make the bed, post-CAS.

And here’s Richard- all he wants to do is play guitar. (and play it outside, no less) Everytime I ask him to start studying logic or paint he ignores me and plays his guitar. What a moody little guy.

Lakesha here is trying to simultaneously become a celebrity while trying to hook her brother up.
“Wow, girl, your chin is what our legacy needs. My beautiful brother would LOVE to hit that.”

“Beautiful, you say? I’ve always wanted to be in a legacy…”
“WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DIE, MOTHER???!!!”
… Cheyenne. Behave.

Richard’s goin’ off to prom, where he finds his true love, Lakesha, and gets into multiple fights over her. Note the paparazzi, just bein’ a creep.

A few days later he takes Lakesha home,

Ages up,

And his half-sister moves out with a random fairy named Justin.

“Lakesha, baby, you are going to make a fine Uglacy wife.”
She doesn’t look all that ugly aside from being fat, but I believe in her slightly malformed cheekbones

And I guess Richard does, too.

And there’s the lullaby!

“Lakesha, I know this seems like we’re moving at the speed of a galloping llama, but…”

“… Will you be my legacy queen?”

“Oh, yes! Yes! A thousand times yes!”

“No! No! A thousand times blahsaldsjfaslraggghrhhhhhhhggrggg”
She was constantly sick throughout this pregnancy. I’ve never had a pregnant sim throw up this much.

This has nothing to do with the legacy, but it cracked me up when they sat down to eat on the bugged CC stools. I didn’t have enough money to get them new, unbugged ones, so I had to deal with this for a 5 or 6 sim days.

This is how it was throughout Lakesha’s pregnancy. Since she’s a coach potato, she was more than happy to watch children’s television all day whilst kid’s music played in the background. I also made Richard and Lakesha self-employed painters. I figured that it would give them the most amount of money in a short amount of time, and they could stay at home with all of the screaming lil’ angels.

Here’s Richard sparklin’…

And now he’s officially an adult!
“Just one step closer to sweet, sweet death.”

“Richard, I’m in labor, why can’t you drive?!”
“I’ve never driven before! Cars scare me!”
Richard, I kind of agree with Lakesha here…

Awwww yeah! Baby basket!

Here’s all the little ones- Danielle, Delilah, and Dalton. Note that my CC, yet again, is bugged with infants. It works fine with toddlers, though.

Another obligatory cute-baby photo. I have all of their traits when they reach adults, so here it goes…
Danielle is Ambitious, Friendly, Evil, Neurotic, and a Genius. I’m not sure how she could be evil and friendly at the same time, but whatevs.
Delilah is a Hopeless Romantic, Artistic, Clumsy, a Coach Potato, and Insane.
Dalton is Easily Impressed, Good, a Supernatural Fan, Gatherer, and Mean Spirited. He sounds like he’d be a good Werewolf.

And that’s all for now, folks! In the next installment we’ll get to see the triplets’ chaotic lives and who turns out to be the ugliest child of them all.

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Miller’s Misadventures – Uglacy 1.0

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This is where my founder, Gordon Miller, lives.

He’s fairly handsome looking, as you can see. I’m going to see if, within 10 generations, I can twist Gordon’s DNA this and way and that until I have the ugliest heir possible. To make this even more interesting, I have shortened their lifespan’s to about 33 or 34 sim-days.

Gordon is a kleptomaniac, you see, and I thought I might have him exercise a little at the gym to prepare him for the career. (I ended up putting him in Law Enforcement, though.) But, really, honestly, he was here to use the bathroom and take a shower since he didn’t own a shower himself.

Gordon’s not the most athletic. In fact, he’s charismatic, a kleptomaniac, and a slob. What a combination.

“Hey, baby, I like your strong cheekbones. You would make a fine wife of an heir of the Miller Uglacy.”
Whoa, Gordon, you do realize she’s still in highschool. Ease up.
“Hey, hey, hey- I said heir, didn’t I? Hopefully she won’t be dead by the time my baby is born.”
… Okay, Gordon. That’s still a little creepy, though.

“Hello, pretty lady…”
Gordon, seriously, she’s a teenager.
“A man can still look, can’t he?”
Gordon is officially a cradle-robber. What a weirdo.

He talked to a potential wife, but honestly she doesn’t seem ugly enough. They didn’t really hit it off, anyway.

“Hello, mama! Your fat lips and wide nose give me the tingles! Come on, leave your boring, un-legacylicious husband for me, please? Us legacy boys have the magic touch, am I right?
“Well… I’ve always wanted to be in a legacy…”
“Mom… what are you doing?”

“So… okay… if I get to be in your legacy family, then that means we’re in a nice, new house, right? You aren’t the founder, right?”
Oh, crap. There goes that potential wife…

“Oh no, of course not! I’m not a lowly founder that has to share the same space as the zombies outside! Yeah, my family has a HUGE brand spankin’ new house, baby.”
Gordon, that wasn’t very nice of you.
“Come on, she wouldn’t have never left her husband for an empty lot!”
I think she heard you, dude.

Ended up our perfect potential wife didn’t like him, either, after figuring out that he lived in an empty lot. But that’s okay, because THIS lady is uglacy material!

Oh, mama!

While shmoozing that other chick I saw this beauty. Her nose could do wonders to Gordon’s offspring. Maybe I’ll hit her up if the other girl doesn’t work out.

So, while we were at the pool (it was of course a full moon), a bunch of zombies started trudging about, deciding it’s time for a dip in the pool (I actually had no idea that zombies could swim…)
“Um, Gordon, can we go back to your place?”
“I’d thought you’d never ask, sweetcakes … Give me some sugar…”
“No, seriously, Gordon, we gotta go. That zombie wants your legacy brains.”

Well. This is an improvement. I guess.
“Gordon… uhm… you know that I live in a huge house? Why would I want to live with you? Ugh, I’m so turned off now.”
“Oh come on, now, baby, let’s look at the stars after we finish our romantic dinner.”
Pssh. yeah. Your romantic TOILET dinner.

“Oh my little snuccums, I know I don’t have much, but I know that I can’t live without a woman with such beauty that could compete with the moon and stars.”
“Oh, Gordon! You’re so sweet! My husband never says such things.”
“Well, he’s blind not to see the beauty of your abnormally large jaw, my sweetcakes.”
Seriously. This girl was not into getting intimate with Gordon until after some star-gazing.

This bizzitch ended up not woo-hooing with him. I was hoping that maybe in the morning they could make some ugly, illegitimate babies but this zombie ho showed up.
“Legacy braaaaainsss…”
No. Please no. My sim’s lifespan is shorter than the length of a bad cold. Please don’t. Gordon needs to make ugly babies, zombie!
“Braaaaaaainssss…”

F$#% you. Why????

When Gordon woke up he went to that girl’s house to do some skillin’ and lady lovin’ (I really can’t remember her name… I know, I know, I’m a bad simmer).

Oh yeah, and stealing her stuff. What a weirdo.

So after stealing her stuff and munching on the food that her husband made, Gordon and the mystery chick went to his house (note that he actually has walls! I updated his place by selling the fancy shmancy goods he stole).
“Hey, sexy. I know that the toilet is a stone’s throw from my bed of love, but pretty please let’s get freaky and make an heir.”
“Well… now that you put it that way…”

“Oh, Gordon! Take me!”
But… even so, she didn’t get pregnant, and she didn’t want to move in. Gah.
I found out, much too late, that I wasn’t interacting with potential wives correctly. I needed to spam friendly interactions to get them to move in with Gordon, and then spam romantic interactions to get her to marry Gordon. But I didn’t figure this out for a while.

On a side note, this is Gordon’s upgraded pad. It’s not much, but at least it keeps the zombies out.

Another view of his home (the toilet is literally on the far wall).

It has been a few days since he saw that other girl, and in this legacy that translates to months without contact. Thus, Gordon ages up without a baby mama.

He continues on with his life, writing reports on the Gym’s computer about the trash he just dug through.

Stealing things from stranger’s homes and autonomously hitting on anything with a vagina. (No, seriously, he did this)
“Hey sugar mama, I could show you the world, if you know what I mean.”
“My word!”

And so she decided to show him the door. Gah, Gordon! He got kicked out before he could steal anything.

Yes, the days went on and Gordon was eventually able to afford a couple of rooms. But Gordon was soon to be an elder, and he had no baby mama to love.

But one day, as he was choosing the fanciest house to burglar, he fell in love again with a sim named Amy.

“My hands work magic, baby. Please, come be in my legacy. You will experience things you have never experienced before!”
Like handling multiple toddlers and never getting any sleep and possibly living in a shack for the rest of your life and-
“Don’t listen to her- concentrate on my legacylicious hands of love…”

And look who showed up to the party that Amy and Gordon went to? Mystery bitch!
“I can’t believe Gordon is cheating on me with that skank!”
Well you got old and your eggs died so boo freakin’ hoo you had your chance.

“Come on, Amy. Let’s go back to my love shack for some legacy baby makin’. This party sucks.”
So they left to their love shack. But before we go, let’s examine the potential wife…

Amy is not really ugly, but Gordon’s rapidly on his way to become an elder- you can’t be too picky, unfortunately. Her nose might have some potential, though.

First kiss. Freakin’ finally.

Hmm. They really couldn’t stop once they got started.

And oh boy, they did not stop.

I think I heard a lullaby :D

Yep. One uglacy heir, here we come!

Tune in next time for Gordon’s misadventures.

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